But what if I was?
2007-11-15, 7:46 p.m.

I'm not getting married anytime soon(I'm talking light years away; I don't even have a boyfriend and am contemplating becoming a lesbian. So no, I'm not getting married soon)... BUT

if I was getting married, I'd be without a dress.

I was flipping through Brides magazine today when I decided to peruse the pages, just for shits and giggles. Hey, why not? No one said I couldn't fantasize.

So anyway, I expected to feel horribly sad when I would see the dress of my dreams. It was kind of like an exercise in mental masochism.

There were over 300 pages in the issue. I did not see one dress that I liked. Do you know how scary that is? I didn't like any of the dresses I saw in there, and that thing probably had a good subset of almost every design that's available.

Part of the problem is that I don't like strapless. I never did. Strapless dresses look like you're wearing a towel from the waist up. Plus, you need big boobage to hold up the strapless, of which I'm sorely lacking.

But almost every.frickin.wedding.dress is strapless. Why is that?

Of course I'd go for Vera Wang or Badgeley Mischka if I was a millionaire, and this wouldn't be an issue because I could have whatever I want.

But there were so many ugly dresses. It's really hard to design a wedding dress that's classy and not too tacky, so most of the dresses fell under "tacky."

This is really selfish of me to say, but I don't care about any facet of the wedding besides the dress. I don't care if I don't have any bridesmaids; I could serve Spaghetti-O's and wine coolers for food and drinks-- I'd still be happy. That's selfish, isn't it? But weddings are all about the bride, so I guess it's the one time to be selfish if I want to.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm back in the running game again. I was getting frustrated because my fatassery was not diminishing at all and my workouts only seemed to exacerbate it. But I'm trying to work out if not for health's sake. At least I know I won't die of a heart attack before I'm 70. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who really hates to exercise.

Things to look forward to, though: Thanksgiving with my brother, After-Thanksgiving sales(I am one of those people who will stand outside a Best Buy at 5 am, yes), colder weather.